It's still 2015 where I am, so I don't feel totally awful for not updating since August. OK, that's a lie, I feel terrible. But next year I honestly do intend to update faster, pinkie promise!
I'm so slow. I'm so slow! Here, have a picture of Monika snuggling Lemon as an apology.
Anyway, over to Slovenia, who's enjoying his last few hours of sunlight before he becomes a sparkly fantasy hunk. Or a soulless evil monster, depending on which source material you're working from.
Slovenia: I found a boot. Did you know you can blend them in the juicer? How do you think the kids would react to boot juice? Wanna find out?
Soulless evil monster it is!
I figure the Crypt O'Night Club is a good place to pick up vampires, possibly because I didn't bother rereading the post I made about the last time I did this challenge and I'd forgotten how tricky they can be to find.
Slovenia: You could always switch on reflections and see who doesn't show up.
Nooo thanks, I'm OK with you bursting into flames but I don't want my entire PC doing it.
Slovenia: Oh thanks.
Plenty of nations out and about, but no vampires.
To the graveyard! I've watched tons of Buffy, there's bound to be vampires here, right? Wrong.
I don't think they'll be in the sauna.
Slovenia: I'm willing to wait and find out.
Alas, by that point, it was daylight. Happily I don't have that community lot time mod, so when he got back home, it was magically nighttime again. So I sent Switzia out on a vampire hunt.
Switzia: I found a witch!
I'm sorry, supernaturals are not interchangeable. But hey, go ahead and talk to her, you never know when someone will want to become a witch.
ABORT ABORT WE HAVE A CONFIRMED VAMPIRE SIGHTING.
Switzia: *regresses to babyhood*
Swizia: Waaah, I want my daddies!
Sorry, you're going to have to talk to her.
Switzia: So, um, do you come here often?
Contessa Jane: Only when I'm hungry.
Switzia: Oh, I didn't think they served food- oh.
This is some TS3-style Story Progression shit right here. Happily with this game, I know if NyoEngland does ever become playable, I won't have to deal with her townie girlfriend and their son.
Switzia gets straight on the phone to chat to Contessa Jane from a safe distance.
Switzia: So if you're a centuries-old vampire, how do you fill your spare time? Do you like, learn a bunch of musical instruments?
Contessa Jane: Yeah, well, at least until the internet came around. Now I don't seem to have any time spare. Good thing I'm gonna live forever!
England: Bring her here, I'll soon fix that.
Contessa Jane: Hello? Hello? Are you OK? I can hear screaming!
And here's even more screaming.
Switzia: Goddammit, I wanted to cook some food and there's something in the way!
No there isn't?
England: Yeah there is!
Switzerland takes over while Switzia rushes to the toilet...
And whips up a delicious batch of sushi.
Switzerland: I'm in the mood for Japanese right now.
Then I've got good news for you.
England: SHIT YOURSELF!
That's not it, by the way.
Switzerland: Forget it, I'm not in the mood now.
OK, fine, we'll watch Slovenia play bathtub pirates instead:
Slovenia: Ahoy me laddies, ship sighted off the starboard bow!
Butler: Could you move please? I have work to do.
Slovenia: Ah-ah-ah, not like that. Do it more pirate-y.
Butler: ...Ugh, fine. Arr captain, I need to... swab the decks. Or something.
Slovenia: Oh look, it's rum o'clock.
Monika: So how do I do the long division?
Slovenia: Honestly, I don't know. Haven't used it since I left school. (Based on a real conversation I had with my daughter)
Anyway, while Slovenia works on becoming one of the undead, it's time for Switzerland to remarry. You guys chose Japan. And NyoJapan. Last time there was a draw, I invited all the love interests over and waited to see which one would make the first move. This time though, instead of marrying one, I though why not both?
Switzerland: Hi, good to see you, come on in. We'll be ready in a minute.
Switzerland: There's just something I have to do first.
Wow, usually when people say they want to wait until their wedding day, they mean after the ceremony's taken place.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to test out this new mod.
Japan: At least I get paid for being a test subject.
You may now kiss the groom.
Switzerland: Wait, is this legal? This doesn't seem legal.
Who cares? It works!
I'm totally confident this will go well.
Then again, NyoJapan's already turned to alcohol-
NyoJapan: Um, it's my wedding, I'm allowed a toast.
Japan: Is there a stripper in this?
Delivery Sim: Wrong game, sorry.
NyoJapan: Do we need to marry each other too now?
Switzerland's showing a little favouritism here.
Although he's very eager for both of this spouses to join him as werewolves.
Switzerland: Gonna get high first.
Japan: Congratulations on your good grades!
Monika: Um, you're not my dad.
Lemon: Oh my God, this is my jam!
You know you have your own bedroom, right?
More celebrations as it's now Hero's birthday.
And then everything goes to shit with the discovery that Japan does not like NyoJapan.
Japan: Never forget I'm the original.
NyoJapan: Only because Hima-papa needed the practice!
And while their backs were turned, Hero grew up into a total fuckboy.
Hero: You know what this outfit needs to make it complete? A Meninist shirt.
I have buyable fire ready and I will use it if I have to.
Contessa Jane: Bleh.
Slovenia: Excuse me?
Contessa Jane: Sorry, I meant 'is Switzia in?'
Switzia: Hey, could you do me a favour and vamp this guy? Preferably before the ghosts murder him.
Contessa Jane: It would be my pleasure.
Contessa Jane: By the way, you might want to invest in some sunblock.
Switzia: I'll give you two a minute alone.
Slovenia: No, come back! She's biting me!
Slovenia: Welp, guess I'm dead now.
Japan: Why do you want to hurt me?
Switzerland: You want to be a werewolf!
Japan: I thought it would just involve a little nibble!
Switzerland: I gotta break the skin, I can't pass it on with licks and tickles!
Japan: Tickle this!
Switzerland: Enjoy lycanthropy.
Japan: Actually, I think I'm allergic to wolf fur.
Switzerland: Please spare him, we haven't even been on our honeymoon yet!
Contessa Jane: Hey, if you're done with him, can I have a nibble too?
Switzerland: I win!
Switzerland: Sorry I fought you until you died of hunger.
Japan: Well, I suppose you did save me, so you're forgiven.
I think after that little upset, the newlyweds deserve a little break.
Switzerland: So what do you want to first?
Japan: Consummate our marriage.
NyoJapan: Did you forget you'd married me too? Because it sure does feel like it!
I think it's time for some matrimonial bonding.
Japan and NyoJapan: *death glares*
Switzerland: So glad this isn't awkward or anything.
You could at least try to get along.
Time for some Swiss neutrality.
Switzerland: I'm sorry you're feeling left out and hate us both, but can we all try to get along just for this holiday?
Switzerland has a want to meet Bigfoot, so while he bonds with his wife, Japan hunts for maps.
Looks like he found an underground stream to sail that boat on too.
NyoJapan: OK, he might have found a map to BigFoot, but I can hit the bullseye with an axe.
Switzerland: DON'T CARE. SHUT UP.
I dunno dude, when a woman's bragging about her axe skills, you might wanna pay attention.
Switzerland: Yes, my husband found an ocean liner. Just a little one though.
I admit, I'm deeply tempted.
Guess who else wanted to be a werewolf?
NyoJapan: You'll have to kill me first!
Don't say that! That's what happened last time!
Switzerland: We will be a happy werewolf married pack, so help me God.
There isn't going to be enough time to make friends with Bigfoot, so I had Switzerland gift him a mobile phone. I have no idea if he'll actually be able to call him, but he appreciated the gift anyway.
Japan: We do have time for one last honeymoon woohoo though.
Switzerland: I love the way your mind works.
Home again! And Slovenia's doing some moonbathing just to hammer home the fact that he can never go sunbathing again.
Didn't you two do enough of that on your honeymoon?
Of course this happened. OF COURSE.
So now he's pregnant and his motives will be dropping faster, I thought I'd better take some photos in case he drops dead again.
Also might be a good idea to paint some legacy portraits too.
Slovenia: Why do I have to do this when I don't count as a member of this legacy?
What else do you plan to do with your immortality? You can't moonbathe forever.
Should you be doing that?
Slovenia: I figure the water will stop the fire from taking hold.
Yeah, pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Go back indoors.
NyoJapan: WAHHHH there's a wall in my way!
Death: Oh goody, another one for death bingo.
Yeah, but I was planning on a coffin scare first.
Switzerland: I see dead people. More dead people. Why won't they stop dying!?
Therapist: Bad news, I'm afraid, you also see invisible people. But I'll be gone in a moment.
NyoJapan: I think Death gave me the flu.
Dammit Hero, chicken soup is the easiest recipe there is!
Hero: Shut up, this is the first time I've ever cooked anything and I think I did pretty well not setting the whole thing on fire.
NyoJapan: Are you sure this will actually cure me?
Hero: Shut up, it's fine.
Switzerland: Do you believe in life after death, professor?
Japan: So, we're werewolves. What should we do now we're up all night?
Switzerland: We're going to sit in a circle and talk until everyone stops hating each other.
Switzia: I mean, do they all have to be werewolves?
NyoJapan: So what are your thoughts on space?
Hero: So long as aliens stay outta my butt, we're cool.
I got bored of babysitting the adults (who spend most of their time hanging out at the moment), so I sent the children out swimming.
Switzia: MONIKA LOOK OVER THERE!
Thankfully not even Italy can ice skate in the nude.
I mean, he probably can, just not in my game.
One day I will add morphs and this reaction will look so much better.
Japan: ...She know's she's not holding a controller, right?
The hem of her nighty and the wallpaper behind her almost make it look like she's spinning a hula hoop, but of course, she's just recovering from a ghost scare.
Switzerland: I guess I'd better finish this painting of my wife before one of us dies.
Please, the ghosts haven't managed to kill anyone yet and you still haven't found your LTF job yet, I think you have time.
Japan: THE PAIN!
Japan: Look what I made.
Hero: Why did I have to witness this?
Hero: Well, congratulations on your butt baby.
Japan: Don't be rude.
Yeah, Hero. We all know where you came from, after all.
Switzia: Woo! Go butt baby, go!
Japan: His name is Rory and I hate you both.
Monika: Hey, Japan-
Japan: If you call him a butt baby, I'll squirt breastmilk at you.
Monika: I just wanted to show you my report card, but ew to everything.
Next up, it's Monika's birthday.
Japan: Actually I think I have other plans.
Japan: MY EYES!
Switzerland: What? I thought you wanted to-
Japan: When I said I had other plans, I kind of meant I was gonna go lock myself in my room and watch anime.
Ah, anyway. Here's teenage Monika.
Monika: I'm so tired.
Switzerland: I had a baby.
You could at least pretend to be pleased about that.
Japan: So I thought about what happened earlier and decided woohoo might be nice after all.
Switzerland: So long as you don't admit the tentacle hentai turned you on.
Japan: I promise not to mention hentai.
Japan: Ravish me with your six monster tentacle dicks!
Switzerland: We can do this in silence or not at all.
And to finish, here's a bonus picture from the spare house.
Spain: Don't look at me, I don't live here.
Next time! I'm pretty sure I already did this one, because we already have a wishing well, but I shall do it again just because I think it will be interesting to have no money again. Now I'm going to watch Terminator Genisys to celebrate 2016. See you there!
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