Boy/Girl Thing - Doctor Who

[sushigal007.livejournal.com]

While investigating a crashed spaceship, Zoe plays with a mysterious machine and accidently turns Jamie into a girl.

They walked along in silence for several minutes, past weird and wonderful rooms Jamie was sure hadn’t existed before. A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Doctor, you’re a man, how come you’re no’ affected by these chemical things?”

“I am,” the Doctor said ruefully. “However, while I may be a man, I am not a human man. The chemicals are less effective on me.” He stopped suddenly and opened a door to some sort of storage room. Jamie leaned against a Greek pillar and watched curiously as the Doctor pulled open a drawer and began rummaging inside. “Where did I put that… aha!” Triumphantly, he handed Jamie a strange metal rod with prongs on the end.

“What’s this?” she asked curiously.

“It’s an electric shock baton,” the Doctor said cheerfully. “You press this…” He reached over and held down a button. Blue sparks jumped between the prongs and Jamie let go of the device with a small squeak of surprise. “…And poke people with it.”

“I thought you didnae like violence?” Jamie asked, picking the baton up and eyeing it nervously.

“I don’t.” The Doctor looked offended at the suggestion. “Besides, it’s harmless. Mostly. I thought it might be useful when we go back to the ship. Not that there’ll be anything wrong with my antidote, but just in case.”

Jamie brightened up at the thought of electrocuting the crew and cheerfully followed the Doctor into a large, shiny laboratory.

Once inside, she looked around in interest. On the left side of the lab, a large refrigerator stood on a counter next to a row of test tubes and petri dishes. At the other end of the counter was a high-tech microscope, a computer and something that looked like a microwave. Shiny alien machinery was arranged in the centre and on the right was a clear glass wall with a door set in it. On the other side was a plain gurney.

“Right. Let’s get to work, shall we?” the Doctor said, rubbing his hands together. “Would you mind just sitting down over there for a moment?” he asked, pointing to a chair outside the glass room. “I’d like to draw up some blood for tests if that’s all right.”

Jamie sat down and tapped on the glass. “What’s this for?”

“It’s an isolation room,” the Doctor said, wheeling over a small trolley with a tray of colour-coded tubes and sterile needles on top. “I think it was originally installed as a quarantine area. I just use it to store bedding. Although I did once capture a sort of sea slug on Marafolia that gave off toxic fumes. I was able to take samples of the air in there and make a solution to neutralise the gas. Sadly, it died. Could you roll up your sleeve for me?”

Jamie eyed the room apprehensively. “Y’ won’t need me t’ go in there, will ye?”

“Possibly.” The Doctor tightened an elastic belt around the girls arm, then glanced at her worried face. “Oh don’t worry, Jamie, it’s perfectly safe. The room didn’t kill the slug; it got killed by a flying crocodile when I set it free.” He tapped Jamie’s arm and then carefully poked the skin with a needle. Jamie went slightly pale and turned away as the Doctor attached one of the tubes to the needle. “Are you all right?”

“I dinnae like seeing my blood,” she muttered.

The Doctor smiled and quickly finished. “All done,” he said cheerfully, holding a piece of cotton wool over the small wound. “Hold that there until it stops bleeding. And try putting your head between your legs,” he added as Jamie nodded woozily. “It’ll make you feel better.”

It took a lot of willpower not to stay and pat Jamie on the back comfortingly. And to not put his own head between Jamie’s legs. Instead, he popped the tubes of blood into a few of the alien machines. A few moments later, he felt a familiar presence at his side. “Better?” he asked, keeping his eye on the digital readout.

“Aye, thanks.” Jamie peered over his shoulder. “What are ye doing?”

“Er…” The breath on his neck was extremely distracting. The Doctor closed his eyes and counted to ten in Sanskrit in his head to regain control of himself. “The machine is going to see what chemicals are in your blood and in what quantities.”

“And then you’ll know what will work against them?” Jamie asked, seemingly oblivious to the effect she was having on the Doctor.

Jamie was touching him too much. He could feel her fingers on the back of his coat. The Doctor moved away slightly, counted up to twenty, then again in Martian until he regained the power of speech. “Um, yes, hopefully.” The machine suddenly bleeped and spat out a length of paper. He grabbed it urgently and tried to concentrate.

“So what d’ all these other gadgets do then?” Jamie asked, waving a hand at them.

“Hmm?” The Doctor looked up at her and immediately wished he hadn’t. “Oh, ah, um, they… they do… things…”

Jamie frowned. “Are you all right, Doctor?”

The Doctor closed his eyes and tried to think unsexy thoughts. Sontarans in bikinis. Androgums in bikinis. Margaret Thatcher in a bikini. Jamie in a bikini. A white one. Wet and see-through.

Oh dear.

“Doctor?”

The Doctor kept his eyes closed and waved a hand in the general direction of Jamie’s voice. “Stay back!”

Jamie stepped backwards, suddenly realising that the weird chemicals were working their magic on the Doctor.

“Think of this as a unique learning opportunity.”

Zoe’s voice whispered in her head and she hesitated, suddenly overwhelmed with curiosity. It was a question she’d occasionally asked herself in moments of madness, along with how did aeroplanes stay up and why was the sky sometimes different colours on alien planets; what would it be like to kiss the Doctor?

One thing was certain, this would probably be the only chance she’d get to find out and be able to blame it on something else.

She stepped forward and nervously touched the Doctor on the shoulder. “…Doctor?”

Jamie’s touch was the last straw. With a moan of defeat, the Doctor spun around, pulled her close and kissed her.

Jamie’s insides melted. The Doctor’s kiss was the opposite of Zoe’s scary biting; he was tentative and gentle. And it was very, very nice. Better than nice, actually. Her stomach wibbled and her new girly bits sang and everything tingled in a good way. The Doctor pushed her back against the glass wall and began tugging her shirt out of her kilt. Jamie considered smacking his hand away, just for show, then the Doctor’s other hand danced along her thigh and she decided she didn’t care what he did so long as he didn’t stop.

Beyond rational thought, the Doctor had no intention of stopping. All he cared about was touching Jamie as much as possible. His hands wandered over the shapely figure until his fingers slid up to her chest and cupped her breast.

Remembering how much it hurt when Zoe had squeezed her boob, Jamie flinched.

The small movement was just enough to bring the Doctor back to his senses. This was wrong. Very wrong. This wasn’t some random girl he could cheerfully shag and then forget about, this was Jamie. How could he even consider putting his dearest companion through the probable trauma of pregnancy and childbirth simply for a few minutes of pleasure?

With every ounce of willpower he possessed, the Doctor hit a button beside the glass wall. A door slid open and before he could change his mind, he gave Jamie a hard shove that sent her flying backwards into the isolation room. The door slid back into place before she could react and suddenly, it was easier to think.

The Doctor rested his head against the glass and drew in several shaky breaths. On the other side of the glass, Jamie scrambled to her feet, looking outraged. The Doctor looked sadly at her and wondered just how badly he’d gone and ruined their friendship.