Boy/Girl Thing - Doctor Who
Jan. 2nd, 2008 09:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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randomsushiWhile investigating a crashed spaceship, Zoe plays with a mysterious machine and accidently turns Jamie into a girl.
It was a good thing the Doctor didn’t need much sleep because he didn’t get much after that dream; every time he closed his eyes, Margaret Thatcher would drop her bra and look coyly at him. It was almost more disturbing than the dream sex.
Almost.
Eventually, he gave up trying. Zoe found him several hours later in the kitchen, reciting a Buddhist prayer under his breath and absent-mindedly buttering both sides of his toast. “Oh, hello. Sleep well?” he asked.
“Better than you, by the looks of things,” Zoe retorted. She sat down and moved the butter dish out of the way before the Doctor could stir some into his tea. “Is Jamie awake yet?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t looked yet,” the Doctor admitted.
“Well I’m not going,” Zoe said, helping herself to a piece of toast. “That spray is sure to have worn off by now.”
The Doctor sighed and hauled himself reluctantly to his feet. He really didn’t want to face Jamie right then, with that terrifying dream still fresh in his head. He felt even more awkward that the time he’d had a sex dream about Leonardo Da Vinci when he’d been teaching him about anatomy. At least he hadn’t actually been remotely attracted to the inventor.
As he entered the lab, he was slightly disappointed to see that Jamie was wide awake and pacing the isolation room. “About time, I’m starving,” the girl complained, catching sight of him.
The Doctor stayed silent. He was afraid if he tried to speak, he’d end up saying “guess what we did in my dream last night!” instead of “good morning to you too.” Instead, he just picked up the pheromone spray and squirted it liberally in the doorway as he hit the button to open it, before wordlessly stomping back out of the lab before he did something pervy.
Jamie caught up with him halfway back to the kitchen. “What’s up with you?” she asked curiously.
The Doctor made a noise that he hoped would pass as “nothing” and carried on into the kitchen where he resumed buttering his toast.
“What’s up with him?” Jamie asked Zoe, sitting down next to her and helping herself to eggs, bacon and sausages.
Zoe shrugged. “How should I know? Maybe he had a bad dream.” She gave the Doctor a sly look. “Or a good one.”
The Doctor glared at her. “I slept badly. That’s all. And-“
He was saved from having to explain further as Zoe suddenly grabbed the pheromone spray from his hands and sprayed Jamie in the face with it. Jamie yelped and dropped her fork with a clatter. “What was that for?!”
“Do you have any idea what you look like, eating that sausage?”
The Doctor choked on his toast and Jamie pushed her plate away, giving them both a look of disgust. “I’m done with breakfast now. Can we go change me back?”
“Oh my!” the Doctor exclaimed, dropping his toast. “Zoe, I completely forgot to ask how the repairs to the machine were going!”
Zoe wrinkled her nose in thought. “Well… now we know what’s wrong, they know how to fix it. But Bob and Tracie were a bit disorientated when I left, I don’t know if they managed any-“ She stopped suddenly and sprayed Jamie in the face again.
The young Highlander spluttered furiously. “You- I wasnae doing anything then!”
“Do you want me to assault you again?” Zoe said crossly. “No? Then shut up.”
“But we’ll run out before we get t’ the ship at this rate,” Jamie complained. “Doctor, tell her!”
The Doctor rubbed his eyes wearily. “Oh dear. This isn’t going very well, is it?”
“You know, there could be another way to stop the pheromones,” Zoe said suddenly, looking mischievous.
“Oh aye? What’s that?” Jamie asked before the Doctor could reach over and slap his hand over her mouth. He had a horrible idea of what was going through Zoe’s mind.
Sure enough, she said it. “Go along with what they want.”
Of course, this was the real Jamie, not the imaginary one from last night, and she looked utterly horrified. “You mean… do… have…” she stuttered.
The Doctor considered leaping over the table and stabbing Zoe to death with his butter knife before she could continue, but it was probably too blunt to do any damage. He settled for arm signals instead.
Ignoring the Doctor’s frantic miming, Zoe cheerfully said, “have sex.”
“I AM NOT HAVING BABIES!!!” Jamie shrieked.
Zoe winced and rubbed her ear. “Who said anything about babies? There’s all sorts of pills and things to stop that happening. But simply having some sex might fool your body for a while.”
“I’m no’ doing it,” Jamie said flatly, folding her arms across her chest. “It’s a stupid idea. Right, Doctor?”
The Doctor opened his mouth to agree that yes, it was a terrible idea and Zoe was only suggesting it because she herself was affected by the pheromones. Somewhere between his brain and his mouth, the words changed to, “actually, it could work.”
Zoe looked delighted. Jamie looked appalled.
“In theory,” the Doctor added hastily. “And anyway, although the biology might work, it’s a terrible idea and we’re not even going to consider it any more.”
“Spoil sport,” Zoe muttered with a pout. “Fine then. We’ll do it your way, with the boring old machine.”
/\/\/\
Armed with the pheromone spray and the electric shock baton, the trio set off back towards the spaceship. The journey was made in silence; Jamie had given up complaining whenever Zoe sprayed her, Zoe was concentrating on her raging hormones and the Doctor was quietly panicking about the status of the repairs.
It didn’t take long to reach the ship. The Doctor looked into the broken hull and shrugged. “Well, it looks quiet. I’ll go first. You follow me, Jamie, and Zoe, you spray him.”
Inside, the ship was as derelict and deserted as it had been the day before. The Doctor helped his companions climb inside and began walking down the corridors towards the room containing the terraforming machine.
“Here we are,” the Doctor said in relief, spotting the familiar metal door. He pushed it open and peered inside. “No-one’s here.”
“Why’s that?” Jamie asked curiously.
The Doctor shrugged. “Maybe they fixed it. We already know the crew don’t use this part of the ship any more.” He walked over to the machine and examined it. “Oh yes, that’s looking much better,” he said happily. “Yes, I think that will do nicely. Jamie, stand over there. Yes. No, right a little bit.”
Zoe sidled up to the Doctor, looking hopeful. “Do we HAVE to turn him back just yet? I’m sure if we put it off for a day or two, I could talk him into trying some sex.”
The Doctor smiled ruefully. “Yes, Zoe, we really have to turn him back. You know that perfectly well.” He reached out and flicked a few buttons.
A blue light surrounded Jamie. The Doctor and Zoe caught a glimpse of her nervous face before red specks swirled around her, glowing brighter and brighter until a flash of light temporarily blinded them.
The Doctor blinked rapidly, trying to clear the spots from his eyes. Then he grinned in delight. It had worked!
Jamie was male again.
It was a good thing the Doctor didn’t need much sleep because he didn’t get much after that dream; every time he closed his eyes, Margaret Thatcher would drop her bra and look coyly at him. It was almost more disturbing than the dream sex.
Almost.
Eventually, he gave up trying. Zoe found him several hours later in the kitchen, reciting a Buddhist prayer under his breath and absent-mindedly buttering both sides of his toast. “Oh, hello. Sleep well?” he asked.
“Better than you, by the looks of things,” Zoe retorted. She sat down and moved the butter dish out of the way before the Doctor could stir some into his tea. “Is Jamie awake yet?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t looked yet,” the Doctor admitted.
“Well I’m not going,” Zoe said, helping herself to a piece of toast. “That spray is sure to have worn off by now.”
The Doctor sighed and hauled himself reluctantly to his feet. He really didn’t want to face Jamie right then, with that terrifying dream still fresh in his head. He felt even more awkward that the time he’d had a sex dream about Leonardo Da Vinci when he’d been teaching him about anatomy. At least he hadn’t actually been remotely attracted to the inventor.
As he entered the lab, he was slightly disappointed to see that Jamie was wide awake and pacing the isolation room. “About time, I’m starving,” the girl complained, catching sight of him.
The Doctor stayed silent. He was afraid if he tried to speak, he’d end up saying “guess what we did in my dream last night!” instead of “good morning to you too.” Instead, he just picked up the pheromone spray and squirted it liberally in the doorway as he hit the button to open it, before wordlessly stomping back out of the lab before he did something pervy.
Jamie caught up with him halfway back to the kitchen. “What’s up with you?” she asked curiously.
The Doctor made a noise that he hoped would pass as “nothing” and carried on into the kitchen where he resumed buttering his toast.
“What’s up with him?” Jamie asked Zoe, sitting down next to her and helping herself to eggs, bacon and sausages.
Zoe shrugged. “How should I know? Maybe he had a bad dream.” She gave the Doctor a sly look. “Or a good one.”
The Doctor glared at her. “I slept badly. That’s all. And-“
He was saved from having to explain further as Zoe suddenly grabbed the pheromone spray from his hands and sprayed Jamie in the face with it. Jamie yelped and dropped her fork with a clatter. “What was that for?!”
“Do you have any idea what you look like, eating that sausage?”
The Doctor choked on his toast and Jamie pushed her plate away, giving them both a look of disgust. “I’m done with breakfast now. Can we go change me back?”
“Oh my!” the Doctor exclaimed, dropping his toast. “Zoe, I completely forgot to ask how the repairs to the machine were going!”
Zoe wrinkled her nose in thought. “Well… now we know what’s wrong, they know how to fix it. But Bob and Tracie were a bit disorientated when I left, I don’t know if they managed any-“ She stopped suddenly and sprayed Jamie in the face again.
The young Highlander spluttered furiously. “You- I wasnae doing anything then!”
“Do you want me to assault you again?” Zoe said crossly. “No? Then shut up.”
“But we’ll run out before we get t’ the ship at this rate,” Jamie complained. “Doctor, tell her!”
The Doctor rubbed his eyes wearily. “Oh dear. This isn’t going very well, is it?”
“You know, there could be another way to stop the pheromones,” Zoe said suddenly, looking mischievous.
“Oh aye? What’s that?” Jamie asked before the Doctor could reach over and slap his hand over her mouth. He had a horrible idea of what was going through Zoe’s mind.
Sure enough, she said it. “Go along with what they want.”
Of course, this was the real Jamie, not the imaginary one from last night, and she looked utterly horrified. “You mean… do… have…” she stuttered.
The Doctor considered leaping over the table and stabbing Zoe to death with his butter knife before she could continue, but it was probably too blunt to do any damage. He settled for arm signals instead.
Ignoring the Doctor’s frantic miming, Zoe cheerfully said, “have sex.”
“I AM NOT HAVING BABIES!!!” Jamie shrieked.
Zoe winced and rubbed her ear. “Who said anything about babies? There’s all sorts of pills and things to stop that happening. But simply having some sex might fool your body for a while.”
“I’m no’ doing it,” Jamie said flatly, folding her arms across her chest. “It’s a stupid idea. Right, Doctor?”
The Doctor opened his mouth to agree that yes, it was a terrible idea and Zoe was only suggesting it because she herself was affected by the pheromones. Somewhere between his brain and his mouth, the words changed to, “actually, it could work.”
Zoe looked delighted. Jamie looked appalled.
“In theory,” the Doctor added hastily. “And anyway, although the biology might work, it’s a terrible idea and we’re not even going to consider it any more.”
“Spoil sport,” Zoe muttered with a pout. “Fine then. We’ll do it your way, with the boring old machine.”
/\/\/\
Armed with the pheromone spray and the electric shock baton, the trio set off back towards the spaceship. The journey was made in silence; Jamie had given up complaining whenever Zoe sprayed her, Zoe was concentrating on her raging hormones and the Doctor was quietly panicking about the status of the repairs.
It didn’t take long to reach the ship. The Doctor looked into the broken hull and shrugged. “Well, it looks quiet. I’ll go first. You follow me, Jamie, and Zoe, you spray him.”
Inside, the ship was as derelict and deserted as it had been the day before. The Doctor helped his companions climb inside and began walking down the corridors towards the room containing the terraforming machine.
“Here we are,” the Doctor said in relief, spotting the familiar metal door. He pushed it open and peered inside. “No-one’s here.”
“Why’s that?” Jamie asked curiously.
The Doctor shrugged. “Maybe they fixed it. We already know the crew don’t use this part of the ship any more.” He walked over to the machine and examined it. “Oh yes, that’s looking much better,” he said happily. “Yes, I think that will do nicely. Jamie, stand over there. Yes. No, right a little bit.”
Zoe sidled up to the Doctor, looking hopeful. “Do we HAVE to turn him back just yet? I’m sure if we put it off for a day or two, I could talk him into trying some sex.”
The Doctor smiled ruefully. “Yes, Zoe, we really have to turn him back. You know that perfectly well.” He reached out and flicked a few buttons.
A blue light surrounded Jamie. The Doctor and Zoe caught a glimpse of her nervous face before red specks swirled around her, glowing brighter and brighter until a flash of light temporarily blinded them.
The Doctor blinked rapidly, trying to clear the spots from his eyes. Then he grinned in delight. It had worked!
Jamie was male again.
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